Defiance

Building Healthy Mother-Child Relationships

Mother-child relationships are often complex and surprisingly complicated. During the teenage years, many children crave independence and autonomy, they view themselves as almost adults who are ready to make their own decisions. On the other hand, parents still view teenagers as their children. They want to shield their teen from making mistakes and feel that it is still their job as a parent to step in. With a child on one end of the spectrum and a mother on the other end, it can feel like too much ground to cover to meet in the middle. But there are ways to protect and build a positive mother-child relationship. 

At the root of the discourse in many mother-child relationships is miscommunication. Parents often believe that they are helping their teen by stepping in and making a choice, but the reality is that this feels stifling to teens which can cause them to pull away even further. What most children really want is for their mothers to actually listen. Teens feel more confident that a resolution can be achieved without the negativity of anger from their mom when those mothers are willing to listen and communicate without judgment. When mothers can communicate calmly and without judgment, teen children are more willing to open up and share their struggles.

Mother-child relationships can also benefit from mothers staying engaged in their daughter’s lives. When your child is constantly trying to push you away, it can feel exhausting to try and stay engaged. Sometimes it can feel like an epic battle just to get vague details about their school day or what they did with their friends yesterday. Even with all the pushback, mothers need to stick with it. Set aside some alone time in a low-pressure situation. Something like a car ride gives you time together and is an opportunity to talk without the pressure of sitting down at the table for a big conversation. Ask their to choose the music. Check in about their day. Ask their how their friends are doing. Mothers can show their children that they are genuinely interested in their lives and interests. There doesn’t need to be any goals for these talks, just a chance to connect with one another. 

“Because I said so”, is a common phrase in the parenting handbook. It’s what most parents fall back on to end an argument when everything else has failed. Parents are the adults in the mother-child relationship and while it is important to remain a parent and not try to be a friend, there is value in knowing when you have made a mistake. Children who feel misunderstood or wronged in a situation may push harder against boundaries that they feel are unfair. When a mother can look at a situation when they was wrong or made a mistake, and admit it to their daughter, it shows that the rules are not arbitrary. The boundaries are there because you truly believe that it is the best choice to keep their safe and help their continue to grow towards adulthood. The simple act of hearing, “I was wrong” from a parent can be very powerful for a teen. It breaks down the me vs. their mentality. And seeing you model the behavior of acknowledging your own mistakes, shows their how they can take responsibility for their own behaviors as well. 

Solstice RTC Can Help

Family therapy interventions are at the heart of our clinical program. We firmly believe in the strong nature and immense importance of family relationships. Research studies on the effectiveness of residential treatment indicate that the most significant factor in creating positive long-term outcomes for the child is parental involvement in the treatment process. Parental involvement is defined not only by the parents being actively involved in the child’s treatment but being actively involved in their own treatment and growth process. For more information please call (866) 278-3345.

The Solstice Team

When it comes to engaging in conversations with defiant teens, you are more likely to get into a power struggle than to start a dialogue, particularly when they are on the defense. More often than not, teens are not intentionally defiant. Instead, they are struggling to advocate for themselves and gain more independence, but they may go about this in an emotional state rather than a rational state. To avoid getting into a cycle of arguments and resentment, it can be helpful for parents, professionals, and other authority figures to offer emotional first aid to defiant teens.

What is Emotional First Aid?

The goal of emotional first aid is to resolve the immediate crisis, not underlying issues. We enter power struggles when we bring in other examples of their defiance or try to focus on the bigger picture, rather than focusing on the details of the incident at hand. For example, in a crisis situation, the first people to respond will be the Emergency Medical Technicians that can offer stabilization and first aid, but the underlying issues won’t be resolved until they are admitted to the hospital and consult with a specialist. In the same way, in the middle of an argument with a defiant teenager, the goal is to stabilize their emotions. The crisis may not be resolved until they are able to return later and talk it out, after consulting friends or a therapist. 

Why Does This Work Well with Defiant Teens?

It is a natural instinct to fight fire with fire and to react to instances of disrespect, rebellion, or verbal threats. But this only adds fuel to the teen’s anger. If you try to match their energy, they are more likely to use this against you and the resentment will build. Instead, emotional first aid shows a willingness to meet teens where they are at and hear them out. This may come as a surprise to a teenager who may not be used to this and may be expecting the argument to escalate. If they are unable to cool off on their own, it is the adult’s role to help them co-regulate. This also begins the process of healing the relationship.

How Can I Support My Defiant Teen?

• Drain off Emotions. When teenagers don’t have the skills to regulate their emotions on their own, encouraging them to vent and process what they are feeling can help them calm down so that they can think about what they are asking for in a clearer space. Active listening and reassuring them that their emotions are valid are necessary to help teens co-regulate. This does not necessarily mean giving into their demands, but rather helps them explain their perspective and advocate for themselves in a healthier way.
• Clarify Events of Immediate Crisis. When a teenager is overwhelmed by emotions, they are more likely to catastrophize and exaggerate the details of a situation. They are more likely to have a distorted view of how the situation occurred and the other person’s intentions. Once they are able to take a step back from the situation, they are better able to put things into perspective, reinterpret the event, and keep things in focus. Sometimes, this might look like asking for a timeline of events, asking them to tell you more about how a turn in events made them feel, or pointing out inconsistencies in their story.
• Maintain the Relationship and Lines of Communication. In the midst of an angry outburst, it is easy for there to be a total breakdown of communication, where one person will refuse to talk, storm off angrily, or leave the conversation with more confusion than when the situation began. By using active listening skills, sharing insight, and using supportive language, not only are teenagers more likely to feel heard, they are also more likely to soften up and show appreciation for the conversation. If it is not appropriate to address the situation immediately, offer to check in at a different time. This shows that you are still open to a conversation and that the incident doesn’t change how you feel about the relationship.
• Remind the Child of Expectations. Like most people, teenagers are not very responsive to being told that they are wrong or that they can’t do something. There are ways to be more subtle about encouraging opposite behaviors, rather than just calling out negative behaviors. Instead of telling them to do something, they may be more responsive to asking if you’ll join them in doing something. Use positive, non-judgmental language to remind them of expectations, like “remember to ask before doing something” rather than “don’t do something without asking for permission next time.” While the message is the same, gentle directives are generally received more openly than closed-ended demands–from either side.

Solstice RTC Can Help

Solstice Residential Treatment Center is a program for young girls and assigned female at birth ages 14-18 who struggle with issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and/or relationship struggles. This program provides three types of therapy: individual, group, and family therapy. Solstice Residential Treatment Center is dedicated to teaching teens how to incorporate healthy habits into their lives. Students will leave with the skills they need to transition into the world feeling confident, happy, and able to manage their emotions. 

Contact us at 866-278-3345. We can help your family today!

The Solstice Team

Finding help for a defiant teenage child can be a difficult process. With hormonal changes, it can feel like a constant power struggle. When your teen is constantly going against you or striking an argument, it is important that you don’t fuel the fire. You should understand that your teenager may be very vulnerable, dealing with school stress, and/or the pressure to fit in. These stresses can build up and cause teenagers to be defiant. Defiance in teenagers can reveal itself in a number of ways. Some of these ways can include:

• Back-talking
• Eye-rolling
• Purposefully not listening
• Disregarding rules
• Missing curfew
• Lying
• Disrespectfulness

Getting Your Defiant Teenage Child Under Control

While you may feel alone and helpless at times, rest assured knowing that there are ways you can help your teen transition from their defiant behavior to respectful behavior. Your approach to this task has a critical role in determining whether or not they respond in a positive way. Here are some methods that can help you get your defiant teenage child under control:

1. 1. Develop self-respect. This is the first step in trying to improve your teen’s sense of respect—develop your own self-respect. Know your bottom line and stand firmly in it. Set clear expectations of how you want to be treated and hold your teen accountable. Setting limits from the beginning establishes a solid foundation to build upon.
   2. Emphasize alternative actions. A lot of times defiant teens may think their behavior or attitude is going to solve their frustrations or problems. This is simply not the case. Make sure your teen knows that yelling, eye-rolling, and being disrespectful is no way to reach a positive outcome. Teach your teen to problem solve in a more effective manner.
   3. Plan ahead. It is important that you are always equipped and prepared to handle defiant behaviors. Being overly reactive and responding in an angry outburst will only make matters worse. Come up with a plan to address the situation in a meaningful way that is seeking the best interest of your teen.
   4. Ask for help. Rest assured knowing you are not the first parent to have to deal with defiant teenage behaviors. Do not hesitate to ask for help. Seek out community resources or family and friends to help enforce expectations for your teen or to give advice when you need it. Talking to someone can be extremely helpful.

Solstice Residential Treatment Center can help

Solstice Residential Treatment Center is a program for young girls and assigned female at birth ages 14-18 who struggle with issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, and/or relationship struggles. This program provides three types of therapy: individual, group, and family therapy. Solstice Residential Treatment Center is dedicated to teaching teens how to incorporate healthy habits into their lives. Students will leave with the skills they need to transition into the world feeling confident, happy, and able to manage their emotions. We can help your family today!

Contact us at 866-278-3345

The Solstice Team

The teenage years are tough. Sometimes as a parent it can feel like you are in a constant power struggle with your teen. Hormonal changes can result in occasional defiant behavior and a lot of attitude. However, defiant behaviors have limits. When these limits are exceeded it may be time to make decisions about where to send a defiant teenager that will help your teen and your family as a whole. This can be a difficult decision to make as a parent, but you are not alone. Seeking professional help may be just what your child needs to get themselves back on track to a more successful future.

Your next thought may be: I don’t know where to send a defiant teenager. The answer may be a residential treatment center. Before you disregard the idea, you should learn more of what this type of treatment can do for teens.

Why Residential Treatment?

If you don’t know where to send a defiant teenager, a residential treatment center may be the best fit for your teen. You should not hesitate in seeking professional advice to offer resources to therapeutic programs as such. Residential treatment centers can be very beneficial for teens who struggle with defiant behavior. Here is how:

• Residential treatment centers pull the individual from the chaos, distractions, and perhaps triggers that surround them in their everyday lives which helps them to focus on improving their behaviors.
• The relationship-based approach within residential treatment allows your teen to work on relational struggles. This type of approach is helpful in giving your teen the skills they need to transition back to the relationships they have at home.
• A holistic approach is taken through residential treatment. This basically means the teenager is addressed as a whole rather than simply identifying the issue or behavioral issue. The teen is able to look at themselves as a whole and work on self-improvement altogether.

Solstice West Residential Treatment Center can help

Solstice West Residential Treatment Center is a program for teen girls and assigned female at birth ages 14-18 who struggle with issues related to anxiety, depression, trauma, and/or relationship struggles. This program provides three types of therapy: individual, group, and family therapy. Solstice Residential Treatment Center is dedicated to teaching teens how to incorporate healthy habits into their lives using a wholistic approach. Students will leave with the skills they need to transition into the world feeling confident, happy, and healthy. We can help your family today!

Contact us at 866-278-3345.

The Solstice Team

If you’ve been struggling with your child to the point of it disrupting their daily life, you may be thinking, “I have no clue where to send a defiant teenager.” You’re not alone. That’s generally what every parent in your position is thinking–and that’s because no parenting book or meeting prepared you for this situation.

If you’ve already gone through traditional therapy and haven’t made much progress, it may be time to look into more intensive and alternative options. Residential treatment centers (RTC) are one of those options. These are places where your child can get the space and attention to truly work through the issues she’s been facing.

Why an RTC is where to send a defiant teenager

Comprehensive Therapy

At an RTC like Solstice, many types of therapies are built into the fabric of the programming in order to create a more holistic approach to treatment. This makes sure that your child is able to receive treatment in all their individual areas of struggle.

It also allows their to find the most effective and beneficial treatment for their specific needs. The types of therapy used can include equine therapy, group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, and many others.

24/7  Therapeutic Experience

In traditional therapy, therapists don’t usually get to see how their clients apply their sessions after they leave the office. In addition, the client isn’t typically able to apply what they learned in a safe, therapeutic environment.

Not only is your child being cared for 24/7, but she’s experiencing a complete, intensive therapeutic experience. In a residential treatment center for teens, your child gets the full benefits a therapeutically integrative and intensive experience.

Making Mistakes in a Safe Environment

To move forward and work through their issues, your child needs to be able to make mistakes in a safe, nurturing setting that will give their the proper feedback to grow. She’s able to do this in a residential treatment center for teens. The environment is specifically designed to do this through secure facilities and trained staff.

Bringing Skills Back Home

An RTC understands that you want your child to be able to continue to reach their potential and succeed once they moves on from the program. To do this, residential treatment centers focus on building and strengthening skills that will be useful for your child throughout their life–not just in the program.

When thinking where to send a defiant teenager, RTCs should be at the top of your list if your child is struggling.

Solstice is here for your daughter

Solstice is a groundbreaking residential treatment center for girls, ages 14 to 18. Our girls and assigned female at birth often grapple with depression, anxiety, trauma, ADHD, and other emotional or behavioral problems when they come to us. When trying to find where to send a defiant teenager, things can get confusing and overwhelming fast–but we’re here to help guide you.

Through a unique combination of therapeutic programs based upon both traditional and holistic mental health treatment, we treat our clients with age and gender specific techniques. We strive to empower teenage people with the ability to believe in themselves and provide the tools and motivation required to instill these beliefs for life.

If you’re searching for where to send a defiant teenager, we may be able to help at Solstice. Please contact us at (866) 278-3345.

The Solstice Team

Teenage rebellion can take its toll on everyone in a teen’s life. Rebellious teens want things their way and won’t listen to anyone else around them. Helping your teen build a sense of respect and responsibility for their actions is an extremely challenging task.

What causes teenage rebellion?

Teenage rebellion is caused by a variety of elements. These include:

• Hormones: Teens are going through drastic hormonal changes. With a surge of hormones coursing through their body, teens have all sorts of mood swings and changes in their overall personality.
• Soul searching: Sometimes teens act out because they are trying to figure out who are as individuals. That may lead them down a path towards rebellion towards what they believe are overly strict rules. Teens are constantly learning more about who they are and reshaping their identity to fit that persona they believe best suits them.
• Giving into peer pressure: Sometimes teenage rebellion stems from your teen wanting to fit in with people they believe to be “cool”. If their friends are engaging in rebellious and dangerous activities like substance use and promiscuous sexual activities, they will follow their example. 

How can I turn teenage rebellion into respect?

1. Show respect for your teen: Your teen will never respect you unless you respect your teen. Complimenting your teen on their accomplishments will make them feel better about themselves and improve your relationship with them.
2. Openly communicate: Understanding what’s going on in your teen’s life to lead them to rebel can improve your relationship with them. Your teen needs to know that you’re there for them even though they are rebelling against you.
3. Have a clear set of rules and consequences: Your teen needs to understand that their rebellious behavior comes at a price. They need to be made clearly aware of your expectations of them. Through clear expectations, your teen will know when to rein in their behavior.
4. Remember that you’re in charge: No matter how much your teen thinks they can break your rules, you need to remember that you have a position of authority over them. Don’t ever be your teen’s best friend. You’re their role model and someone they should look up to.

Solstice can help

If teenage rebellion is taking over your life, consider getting professional help for your teen. Solstice, a residential treatment center for teen girls and assigned female at birth ages 14-18, helps teen girls and assigned female at birth struggling with emotional and behavioral difficulties find success.

For more information about Solstice, call today at (866) 278-3345.

The Solstice Team